The Final Goodbye-A Legacy

When I was about 5 or 6 years old we moved to a new house.  The two houses were literally just a few blocks apart.  This was not the first time we had moved, but it was certainly the most memorable of all the moves because of the swing set. 

My dad had a dilemma.  And if you ever put up a swing set you know the dilemma I am speaking of…how do you move this thing and put it back up again as simply as possible?

I don’t know how long he contemplated a solution but he settled on the simplest one. 

Don’t disassemble it.

At this stage my father owned a pub and managed a club, so he knew that he had a resource! His bar flies! He rounded up four of them and promised them a pitcher of beer and a hot meal if they helped him move this swing set.

Imagine the face of those living along those few blocks as four bar flies were walking down the street together, each carrying one leg of this massive metal swing set. 

By the time they arrived at our new house they had a police escort because someone actually called the cops because they thought that these four guys were trying to steal the swing set in broad day light. 

Once it was delivered to its new home the four bar flies AND the police escort were invited into the house to sit down for a meal.  I am sure that left the new neighbors with a few head scratching questions. 

This story is one of many colorful moments of my life with my father.  Since it was just he and I, almost all of my experiences of childhood and young adulthood come complete with a dad story. This particular story always reminds me that the simple solutions are usually outside of the box solutions. A concept I probably would not have been able to understand if I had not seen it in action.  It is a big part of his legacy and a piece of him that I can pass onto my daughters.

John 14:1-9

“LET NOT YOUR HEARTS BE TROUBLED. Believe in God; believe also in me.  In my father’s house there are many rooms.  If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you maybe also.  And you know the way to where I am going.  Thomas said to him. “Lord, we do not know where you are going.  How can we know the way?  Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you had known me, you would have known my father also.  From now on you do know him and have seen him.”  Phillip said to him, “LORD, show us the father and it is enough for us.”  Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me, Phillip?  Whoever has seen me has seen the Father.  How can you say, “Show us the Father?”

The ENTIRE chapter of John 14 is the only solid piece of scripture I remember growing up with.  My father used to say that his dad memorized it and he memorized it because he was taught that all you needed to know about Jesus came from this passage.  And before you inquire, No, I have not memorized it. 

I never really understood John 14….or any scripture for that matter.  Even though I had read it and believed in the existence of God I did not understand how to have a relationship with HIM.  They were simply words on a page.  I remember my dad trying to describe to me what faith was like and how you just know what God’s presence feels like.  But I never really felt IT or grasped what IT was.

I was about 18 when I finally started to understand. And it was by way of my friend Ben.  He and I bonded over Tarantino movies, stupid jokes and gas station cappuccinos.  One day we began speaking about faith and the subject of scripture came up and I confessed that I never really “got IT.” I believed in God and accepted Jesus but I never really “got IT” meaning I never really felt a connection.  In this conversation I brought up John 14 and he handed me a bible and we read it together, out loud.

Once we got to verse 9 it was like the heavens opened up and a light hit me.  It sounds very “touched by an angel” but there is no other way to describe that moment.  My a-ha moment was that statement from Jesus to Phillip.  It has now become a statement from Jesus to Carolyn:  “HAVE I BEEN WITH YOU SO LONG, AND STILL YOU DO NOT KNOW ME, CAROLYN?”

It was then, in that moment, that I say that I first was able to understand God’s grace—though I did not know it was called grace. In that instance, my ENTIRE life began to make more sense.  All of the bad times, all of the good.  It all began to make perfect sense!

God was THERE from the start! Undoubtedly!

Things were not perfect from that moment.  A lot of other stuff had happened and I staggered a lot.  But from that point on I finally began to understand what a relationship with Jesus was like and it was something I wanted.  I jokingly say that during this time I was playing Marco Polo with Jesus because I was still rather blind and had no clue what to do or where to go.  But, God would open my eyes.

My father received his cancer diagnosis in September 2001 and it was a terminal one.  He knew that he had just a few months to live.  I was young and his only family.  I had NO clue on how to deal with the situations that would arise.  How do you even prepare for this circumstance at 40 much less 23? 

The first time God stopped being abstract was when I made a stop to visit my dad before heading back to my base.  My dad had just been released from the hospital and he had a home nurse coming to help him with a drainage tube and was supposed to begin chemo treatments.  Things seemed okay, under the circumstances. 

When I went into visit my dad I found him crying and upset because of a complication with the drainage tube.  I felt powerless.  I had no idea what to do.  Then that old favorite “Just Ask God” came to me.  In the span of time that lasted about 5 seconds I had a sincere come to Jesus moment.  

And I had this actual thought:

“What is God seriously going to be able to do in this situation?”

Followed immediately by:

“Just shut up and ask him!”

So I prayed.  Honestly, I am unsure of what happened after that.  It was a blur and I came to at the hospital, with my father in the front seat looking just as stunned as I was. 

We were in the hospital and he had a horrible doctor.  Worst bedside manner and no hope of a solution in sight.  He was told to simply deal with it and go back home. 

Again the thought to pray came back to me again.  This time I did not question it.  I bowed my head and said a prayer and as soon as I said AMEN my father’s home nurse was coming into the ER.

In the moments following my first prayer I apparently left her a message telling her where we were going.  Here is the kicker…she could have just gone to the next stop on her list BUT she came to the hospital! She did not have to do that.

She looked at my dad’s drainage situation and spoke to a couple ER nurses and then she turned into the medical MacGyver. His solution was corrected and my father felt relief.

Then it happened.  She looked at my dad and asked,

“Can I pray with you?” And we prayed

Let’s go back to John 14

John 14: 25-27

“These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you.  But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

My father died in 2002.  His battle with cancer was short and brutal. In those final months and days he was concerned about things I was about to face and how I would deal with them.  He felt sadness because he would not be with me.  And not to lie, I was scared too.  The last day that I saw my dad, it was March 13, 2002. He was sitting on the edge of his bed and his gaze pierced me.  I knew and he knew that this was the last moment.

What do you say when you are standing right there on the edge of a final goodbye? 

In John 14, Jesus was saying his final goodbye to his disciples. 

Some people never get this moment while actually knowing it is the moment.  It is heavy when you know that this is it and the end is near. 

Thankfully, this journey up to this point had taught me a BIG lesson. 

“Pray first and ask questions later.”

And that is what I did. And once again, God answered.

I looked at my dad and told him, for the first time, with full confidence.  You know that confidence that ONLY comes from the Lord.  I told him, that I was going to be okay because God was with me and that it was now time for him to rest and finally meet Jesus.  I told him that I loved him and that I would see him again one day. 

He shed one single tear as his eyes went from a state of fear to a state of peace. 

In his final days his biggest concern wasn’t if he would die. 

We all die after all.

His final concern was where he was going and if he would see his daughter again. 

God answered that for both of us in that moment. If that isn’t Grace I don’t know what is!

In Jesus’ final moments and final words with his disciples He tried desperately to get them to understand who HE was.  He tried to leave them with hope.  He tried to leave them with that recap of all that was important about what he taught during their time together. He wanted to leave them confident that God was with them so they would continue on as His legacy.

I was blessed to have a final goodbye with my dad. 

Many of us are NOT blessed with knowing when we will take our final breath.  This means in a literal since, every moment could be our last.  That should prompt us to ask ourselves the question:

What legacy am I leaving behind?